To begin with I was a happy software engineer who had a life of his own, who valued his lazy weekends, who fiercely guarded his right to fun, who worked on things that excited him, whose dream was 2 promotions, double of the then salary... and like many stable headed guys - eventually, home, wife and kids. It'll all be settled then. "Life mein settle ho jaane ko mangta".
I had good fun and I got 2 promotions and the salary doubled too. But every heartening letter handed over to me by my changing managers has had a barcoded price tag attached. Every subsequent grade takes my engineering and people-skill requirements to the 'next' level. And I desperately grope for a hand rail while going up rung by rung on my professoinal ladder. There doesn't seem to be an end to this climbing. I've reached a crossroad. Funny, how every down-in-the-dump moment in life seems a crossroad of decisions, while the up-on-cloud-nine moments never have any horns of dilemma attached to them. You never ask yourself, "What a wonderful evening! Should I go biking, or should i go binging?" Yes, so the crossroad... decide priorities like my dad decided. Gave up a plumb job to stick with family. Do I want my personal life or my work to be the bigger marble in the jar of my life?
I was not made for slogging. I never wished to slog. I wanted to do good work and not lots of work. With an 8 hour minimum sleep requirement, I could never have dreamt doing what I have seen Mohan and Cynthia do. But see what the ladder is doing to me. It's practically driving me crazy. I am here in the U.S., so close to my bhaiya and bhabhi, and all I am doing is code away? That too on a Friday night? When I could be shopping with them, when I could be seeing places, when I could be enjoying a good drive on the I-90 on my way to Connecticut. Shucks! Bring me down, I don't like it up here.
Friday, April 22, 2005
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