Monday, November 28, 2005

Will prayers help?

Being an agnostic is the worst that can happen to someone in a fix. Will ISB happen? I have a Shiva murti at my home I've been carrying with me since I left Baroda back in 1997 for RECT. I do look at it everyday; sometimes i try to close my eyes and pray, but it doesn't feel solemn enough. Sometimes I light an incense to make it better, but it hasn't the same punch as, say, when Mom stands in front of the sandalwood mandir at home. Faith is God and vice versa... and agnostics like me have neither to hold on to. Ok, then I'll find my own way.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Hausla-e-Buland Khuda Razamand

Khudi ko kar buland itna ki har taqdeer se pahle
khuda bande se khud poochhe bata teri raza kya hai

Have the ISB interview today at 12:30 PM. I am not too sure if there is a God up there. Most of my friends who believe have sent in the confirmation that they have prayed for me. Most of my friends who don't have wished me luck. A few important ones have totally forgotten about it. But I know that God, Chance or Friends are not going to help me out there. I am going to be on my own in front of that panel. And going by the single past experience of an interview I have had - Cisco at Campus, I know I can make a mark just by being myself. There's confidence within me to take on individuals and come out as someone who knows what he's talking about. Only when people know me enough do they find out that many a times I just blabber so coherently that it 'seems' good!

The only thing lacking now is a good tie. I had forgotten that most interviews happen in formals. I was banking on the Park Avenue shirt I got on the 22nd. Shanky asked if I have the right tie. I said I don't need one. But turns out everyone wears one. So I rummaged through my jumbo suitcase of old knick knacks and found the cheap ancient tie I used to get through to Cisco. It's not great, but believe it or not, it still fits me! So, I am going to wear it. Goes well with neither the shirt nor the pant, but goes well with me. I had some trouble tying it, and missed dad, the only family member and among the select few Poddars I daresay, who know it well! Got some tips on the net about how to get the dimple at the centre of the knot, and Lo (not Lolita) I am dressed up.

Anyhow, I am on my way. I have to win this one. It's a personal challenge now... Hey, if you're there reading this, don't let me down this time, will you?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Square root of misery

Most pain is self-inflicted and self-healing too says Vaishali. To ask is the beginning of to be denied. Quite possible, but where does the journey end? And where did it begin?
A Beatles song comes to mind "The world's treating me bad, Misery!". And then comes Savage Garden's "Lemon Tree"... Isolation is not good for me. I don't want to sit on a lemon tree.

If Misery gathers interest compounded every second, it should soon be enough to fill my 12x11 room, like the foam Amita sprayed on me, only muddy in color, and smelling downright pungent instead of soapy. What's more, I have my windows closed cause it's cold and raining outside, so none of it shall escape. I picture myself wallowing in the roomful of soft, dull brown Misery, playing with multicoloured balls of memories, flailing my arms around and shouting out like kids in the McDonald's Ball Pit... only thing, the kids are generally happy.

I start to doubt what Vaishali said. Expectations, yes, but there are ideas which one comes to believe in with every ounce of conviction that oozes out of deep emotional recesses. That faith is the square root of Misery.

Shetty. Birthday. Oeufs

Mr. Shetty, my Landlord, was a seemingly sweet chap to begin with when I gave him the booking amount of 3k. Didn't even care to count, and agreed to reduce the deposit to 25k. Now, this may be a racial remark, but it's said of the gultis in general and Shetty's in particular that money is something they can't help obtain by crook. Had I known this then, I'd have been careful. The glibslither has finally shown his fangs. Not willing to sign the lease agreement as is, with an interest clause for holding up the deposit amount after lease-expiry. And contending that the rental started from the date of our meeting and not the date of my moving in! Ridiculous, but I'll grit my teeth and agree. The place is so perfect. I am not going to trust this guy again, though.

Have been doing lots of different things at work, but finding it impossible to get time to prepare for the ISB. How does one prepare for an MBA interview anyways, I ask friends. Jitne moonh utni baatein. Shankar's gifted me a Jack Welch - Winning. It says "you won't need another Management book" on the cover. I doubt it.

The birthday went great. Daga and Mota came with our customary midnight cake. Calls from all who matter came in the morning, except Bhaiya who decided to stick to his TZ instead of mine. A surprise party with Blackforest and Sula Brut after a fake cold welcome by the Jaipur gang. A quick omelette done to a charry death in breakfast, lunch at Something Fishy, coffee at Java City with Shankar and dinner at Little Italy with Bosh and Rekha, who gifted me Kurtas.

Omelette reminds me. The french for egg, I read in a novel recently is oeuf. Now I generally don't care much for pronunciations but oeuf? 3 vowels in a row. How the hell do I even read the word, forget about the right French guttural that scares English speakers. I turned to the Internet and turns out it's easy to pronounce. Sounds like the pleasured grunt of someone enjoying good sex. "I had coddled 'urghs' while my honey coddled me. "

The word, coddle, by the way, is like 'splice'. Strange that it can mean 'treat with indulgence' when it also means 'cook in boiling water'? And while on eggs...



There, a post that speaks of 3 really unrelated things.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Nuts in may

Reading this nice little book by Richard Gordon, the Wodehouse-like author of the Doctors series - a hilarious story with the brit wit and wry humor. Picked it up for 15 bucks on the way back from the Hyderabad. Yes, May is a perfect month to go nuts. Try it.

Am through to the ISB interview round. 26th is the D-day. another one... Got to make it. Just have to make it. I have to win everything I can control. The case interviews fly past feet clear above my head. The 5 yr/10 yr aims are a blur. Have a meeting with the Bangalore interviewees the day after. And... tomorrow I'll be 27. It's a nice number, says Ashwini, but is it a nice age?

Well, 14th Jan is not far away... so,
What did God say to Gujjus?
"Let there be kites!"

Friday, November 11, 2005

I first

There seems a substantial change of mindset required to cut over to being a successful leader or entrepreneur from being a brilliant engineer. Graduating from 'smart' & 'intelligent' to also 'aware' & 'creative', reading a good variety by the tonne, considering sleep a requirement rather than a hobby... these are things that I understood well.

But today, I read this quote from Rajat Gupta, former MD, McKinsey. "You have to live with yourself longer than you have to live with others." Straightforward yet striking. Some of us, including me, can take the good samaritan in us to extremes where self-denial seems natural. Of course, a theory says 'If an act of sacrifice gives pleasure, then it's more a selfish act than a selfless one'. But let's not get philosophical. The sentence has practical implications in the professional life, and it has got me well. Time to learn something new, what?

Friday, November 04, 2005

Sapne se sapna

A dream of mine, before shrouding itself in white, has spawned a substitute which seems more manageable. This same change-of-guard has happened before, when the substitute seemed more achievable, but soon both the old and new dreams were incapacitated. This time, though, the old has left behind a blue spectre that will live on while the new is an orange ball of fire. It's fun to keep thoughts behind the bushes of circumlocuted words, and peek at them later reading your diary!

So, the new dream is to do an MBA, to break out of the software engineer's mould, to rise above the average. If there is comfort of anonymity and security within the masses, there is also the angst of mediocrity and aimlessness. I wonder if I can aim higher. I've cracked the GMAT well, 770 (V: 45 M: 50) and have app'ed to the ISB, Hyderabad. Should make me reach the interview at least. I was quite confident about the interview too until yesterday, when I read some sample interview questions that unsettled me. An engineer knows how to answer direct questions like "What is entropy?" or "What is polymorphism?". But how does one deal with market size estimation of pencils and Titan watches? Lateral thinking, huh? Will need to run to de Bono books soon. Then there are questions on individual comapnies in the industry-of-choice. I fumble in recalling companys' CEOs, and I need to remember their revenues! And yes, I need to have some visibility into my future, my industry's future, my country's future... MBA needs barrels of globe and gyaan, says Mota, our eternal unassuming philosopher from IIML.

I've given a thought to INSEAD and IMD. Still not sure if I should try my luck there. Will decide when I get back to Bangalore. Meanwhile, while in Baroda, let's dream... "If you can dream it, you can do it. Remember, this whole thing was started by a mouse." - Walt Disney