Move on?

Moved to ISB, and to http://isb2007.blogspot.com... Will I come back here? and When? I guess honey and blood would make a brown unpalatable liquid. When will I sing?

Don't Sing

Someday not long from now, I will sing again
Will have a reason to write something again
There are no promises, no hopes or distress
There is still sunshine, and so it will be then

No I don't see,
I cannot see what will I be
I had the right, I could be free
But I locked myself and lost the key
I'll just be me.

I am at http://isb2007.blogspot.com now.

Crash!

Watched the movie Crash - Brendan Fraser, Sandra Bullock and host of other actos that complete a perfect collage of incidents and emotions triggered by racial prejudice and then collide in one event a la 'Magnolia'. Liked the fast paced yet fluid changes in reference points and happenings. And Nona Gaye has done a good job as the black wife.

Will see the Brokeback Mountain next. Someone on ISB pointed out that it was just an outright gay flick. And others said it's good. Let's see...

The Bridges of Madison County

I am in a train going from Karwar to Mumbai. I just finished reading this good book by Robert James Waller I got from Ashwini. Now, I am not a peregrine as defined by Francessa to her kids twenty two years after Kincaid had waxed lyrically during their lovemaking, in response to her bewildered whispers about his emotional and physical power over her, "I am the highway and a peregrine and all the sails that ever went to the sea". I am not a stranger, foreigner, wanderer, leave alone a falcon. I considered myself quite firm footed and worldly until sometime ago. My dreams were academic and my passions professional.

What then draws me to Francessa so much that I almost identify with her? Her undying feelings for Kincaid coupled with her sense of commitment and responsibility that kept her in Winterset, Iowa with her family. What sets apart Kincaid from other dreamers who hold on to images long after the flesh is lost? His longing for Francessa coupled with the self-control that kept him from Winterset, Iowa. I loved the book, I love these two characters. I almost believe in eternal romance now... As you kept getting pragmatic and getting over, I was learning a trait that made me closer to Robert than Richard - love. "In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live."

Now onto the next book, which is sure to be in a much much lighter vein than this one - Richard Gordon's 'Doctor in Clover'.

It's not fair!

Can't say what exactly is not fair, but something on this planet or someone much above (depending on your beliefs) is not fair... especially not to me! I mean look at what's happening around me! I let one dream wind my sailboat and it sinks, floats, sinks as rhythmically as the care-two-hoots lulled waves of my life. What am I doing with myself? What will I do with myself?
Kaun si manzil ab haasil kar paayega tu rahmat
Badbani kashti chalata hai hawa ke tangdil phunkon se

Well, I am going to crack that ISB thing down to the ground! Mere se panga lega bedil uparwaale! Chal dekhte hain...

Formula No: 1

As the race day for the Bahrain F1 draws near, let me tell you a nice formula to make yourself so miserable, you want to jump off your office terrace and land head first. I shot myself in the foot several times over the last 6 months in several departments of life. I've just done an encore yesterday night, but let's not talk about that. I could have resigned from Cisco long ago... maybe in January itself, had I known that I didn't really want IMD. All I wanted was change and success to a manageable degree. ISB happened in Jan beginning and soon after stupid me started chasing a double dream of Queens+IMD, spurred on by a strange mix of reasons that will never make sense to my own self. I have already almost burnt out myself, and don't know how well I'll do. Not to mention, I am semi-crazy...

 

Anyhow, post-harakiri, I also find that work is tight, as tight as it could have been! Am working hard, but I don't think I can finish it. So, I'll leave behind dangling pointers ... not literally, cause I don't code in C. Engineering posterity in my team will look at half-cooked pieces of tasteless code and jeer at the MBA lotos-eater who was too good for everything, but turned out to be good for nothing in the end. Don't do this to yourself. When shifting gears it's good to allow room for speed change. I didn't, and got stuck.

 

But, F1's coming! It's going to be good fun with the improved qualification round (I didn't quite like the single car qualify round), and permissible mid-race tyre changes. Check out:  http://www.formula1.com/news/4043.html

Geek bhai!

Bro was in Dallas attending a set of DBMS presetnations and goes presenting something on Oracle to some 400 people people in Tennesse. He has launched a website of his own, www.oraclegeek.net too. Hmm, as I try to go places by climbing rungs, he's already going places by spreading his nerd know-how around! Go, bhaiya.

Snowballed pebble roadrolls dream

Well, actually the dream itself was was just that. I awoke and found that. I do not really want IMD, and I am not going for IMD. A small thing started it all off when my Swiss Visa got rejected and I was asked to reapply personally. It set me thinking if I want all the action, the pace. More importantly, does IMD fit in my scheme of life. In the end, it was the gut feel that said No. More on this later... or maybe not much more on this later. So decision is made, ISB it is. Laut ke buddhu ghar ko aaye. Yep, it's all a circus, life is... or maybe 'Life is what happens when you busy making other plans!' - John Lennon

One for the toad!

... or for the ugly duckling. I got an interview call this afternoon from IMD! It took a while to realize that it was actually an interview call and not just some information they were seeking, because Lisa (or the lady I forget the name of) sounded nothing like I would have expected the bringer of that all-important news to... no preambles, no dramatic tones, not even a congratulations. And well, like my usual self, I started with a goof up. I looked at the caller ID, heard her voice and went... "Hey Shobs!". Thank God she introduced herself quickly enough to confirm she wasn't my just-married college friend, or I would have asked her about her honemoon!

I worry that I am a misfit amongst the hordes of super-experienced business consultants, managers, financial analysts... and professional golf players and IMD . But I do have my dreams with me - just a couple more remain. I may be the ugly duckling but yeah I'm happy I got the opportunity to evaluate if I can be a swan. I talked home, and that was a big achievement! Now on to getting them visa, tickets... and case studies straightened out.

IMD has informed me that they certainly can't let me know the results before March end and it can very well stretch to April 10th. Reason: there are many Indian applicants, a majority with exceptional W/E & GMAT's, I presume, and they would like to evaluate all of us in the Feb 1st batch before making the offer to the select 2-3. By the way, any one knows what's so right with Indians that cracking 750+ in GMAT seems a child's play for many of us? To think that I was on the seventh heaven after seven seven zero! Thud, anytime now.

The interview process... Information I have culled this from the BW forum:
http://forums.businessweek.com/bw-bschools/messages?msg=25844.297
http://forums.businessweek.com/bw-bschools/messages?msg=38972.193
http://forums.businessweek.com/bw-bschools/messages?msg=38972.194
http://forums.businessweek.com/bw-bschools/messages?msg=38972.341

Thanks to everyone who has helped me through this process, including Ashwini's dog, Zoey!

Then there was a Queens

I got an admit from Queens last weekend! But I decided to ditch it. It was a huge tussle, with the college, place, good life on Queens' side and career, low-risk, good cost on ISB's. In the end, as usual, money (or the lack of it) settled things for me. The university did not give me a single cent of scholarship. I was actually banking on at least CAD 10k, what with Mr. Ben Whitney all pleased and talking about me starting a band in Queens and telling me that if he were on his own I would have received a 'favorable' response then and there. Talk about confidence... I actually had imagined I'll have the highest schol in Queens just like I have in ISB.

So, without the schol, and without a penny in the bank, without any chance of a Canadian loan, and with Indian Student loans maxing out at 20l... hmm, bye bye Queens.

Am not repenting much. ISB placements stats are pouring in with McKinsey, BCG, AT Kearney, HLL... big wigs wooing the ISBians. And Queens has a record of placement worries for non-North Americans. But there was this other thing that had drawn me to Queens... The 'experience'. And it would have been great to be study with 60 bright people and learn from 25 good profs.

No worries... IMD, here I come. Provided you call me. I told Arun IMD doesn't expand to anything. He said, no it does for you... to 'I M Desperate'. Yes, I sure am.

A piece of code

I happened to look at a piece of code right now. The last time I had touched it was when I had created it way back in February 2002. I got a request from someone from somewhere to add something someplace in there. I looked through and, guess what I actually got nostalgic. Four years ago, when me freshie was firing away methods and procedures with hardly any expectation that it would be seen/run by anybody, I had my rewards in seeing it work. Today, when I create something I blow bugles and beat drums. As my stature rose I lost that self who had worked for days to create the BBA Automation module that was not even critical or urgent. Professional lethargy killed the productivity.

 

But I still looked at those lines and felt nice. Hey, I could do all this way back then!? I must have been smart... wait a minute. I am smart.

The Orchard of Banchharam

Saw this play yesterday by Forum Three of Ranjon Ghoshal. Background: Ranjon heard us do our composition at out Annual Day function and seemed quite impressed. Invited us to watch the play and then meet him... and we started dreaming of an opportunity, very much undeserved, to do the score for his next play!

The play: hillarious. Rajeev Gupta, as Banchharam stole the show with his portrayal of the the 95 year old possessive owner of the orchard who wishes to die, live, die, live multiple times through the play, much to the chagrin of Nakori Datta, the landshark, enacted by Nilanjan Choudhury. Srijit Mukherji, the real star of 'The other side of history', which was the previous play of Forum Three, didn't get to do much as Hontka and Kontka Datta. Devaiah has done better as the good-for-nothing emasculated grandson here than as the lead in 'The other side...' I really would have liked to see Anand Ramprasad, Nikhil/Bijoy of 'The other side...' on stage too.
http://forumthree.blogspot.com/2006/01/forum-three-playfest-2006.html

After the play: Of course, Ranjon had no time to meet us. We'll meet sometime early next week is what he said. Hope early is before Friday.

Anyhow, so quite a nice evening we had. Now on to finishing IMD. Have promised myself today's the deadline for submitting the app.

Helping people...

This jet talker with a spanner in his works calls and asks for my advice for the upcoming interview. The other person whose dad works with my dad calls a second time and asks about GMAT after royally buttering me up in the first phone call. Yes, it used to feel good in the beginning but now it's getting on my nerves. I mean I have loads of stuff to finish at work and in those apps... and more than that I have my absent-mindedness and ever-growing sleep requirements to cater to.

Would you believe it... I come to office all set to work with my laptop but without its charger. I go back to get the charger, but come down from my home without the bike key. Very calmly, without cursing myself, because I am at ease with my stupidity, I climb the stairs again. This other guy calls and I help him with the details of how to study for GMAT when I would rather have told him how exactly to make a nice cylinder out of the OG 11th edition and use it more imaginatively. I come down with the key but without my mobile. Now, should I not blame the guy? Of course, I should not... But I will!

Queens Interview call.

Things are happening with me professionally. Got the interview call from Queens for February 2nd. IMD and INSEAD app are on the final stages. If nothing else, the Queens interview will brace me for the other two more demanding ones.

And well, personally, things all around me are straining to not fall apart... Imagine a circle of bamboo sticks stuck in loose soil with me in the center holding one thread that's tied below the middle of each stick. 'twill change, 'twill be better soon... time to sugar-coat the hopes going sour, with another achievement.

ISB Admit!

ISB offered me an admit with scholarship yesterday. Checked the mail after meeting Swati after such a long time and having meaningful conversations about Oncology and heart-aches. I read the whole mail twice, punched the air a couple of times and then settled down calling everyone at home, friends, sms'ing the others, and finally treating the left-over rectens in Bangalore.

Today, I've outgrown the feeling of satisfaction. There's a greater battle to be won. IMD is calling, and I am fiddling with my guitar! Focus, boy, focus...

Have a long way to go, but I know for sure I won't be at Cisco in 2007. And guess what, 12th Jan is coming near! This time there'll be no poetry, but I have bought Vaishu a nice little gift she's bound to like.

Ezzzays...

Almost fell asleep thinking about one of the IMD essays on "What motivated you to apply to IMD MBA?" At other times, I have been, furious, satisfied, thrilled with what I churn out for each of those questions that are meant to plumb the depths of your mind, but in the end, only manage to graze the R-complex, where ambition purportedly resides. So many different emotions can a single essay generate going through multiple iterations after every set of comments...

 

"Analyze any human emotion," said Freud, "no matter how far it may be removed from the sphere of sex, and you are sure to discover somewhere the primal impulse, to which life owes its perpetuation."

 

I'd say the MBA dream is as good as the primal impulse in fostering varied emotions.